When I woke up this morning, I felt "OKAY". I find that my ears are always sensitive, but when I'm stressed out, nervous, anxiety or anything like that, my hearing notches up like 10 fold. I'm trying to relearn the Algebra I forgot. Yeah...ALGEBRA! I'm a visual person and you know how that is. MATH!? HARD HARD HARD. I mean, it takes a while for me to grasp something in Math, but once I get it down, I'm all happy/thrilled and enjoy it like a video game. I mean, it basically is a game. You're just trying to solve the equation.

Well, I was trying to do the chapter on roots, raticals and powers. Okay, so maybe it's not that hard, yeah okay. It's weird how I can do it in my head, but can't do it on paper. My husband told me that the way I do it in my head, which I showed him, is wrong and can come up as a wrong answer if I continue to do it that way. Very frustrating. Learning new things puts me in major anxiety/stress mode. There comes the hearing notches! So after not doing those problems for too long, at all, there goes my ears. I have sensitive hearing already, but it's like someone is cranking up the sound in my ears. My husband is almost whispering now, I know he is, but in my ears it's like a car horn.

I start screaming/yelling for the next 5-10 minutes, then crying. I feel sorry for my husband, he started getting teary eyed and couldn't take anymore. So, he got up and left into the living room. Then comes the meltdown. That did it, him leaving. I felt hopeless and guilty. I got up crying frantically, pacing back and forth. Then he came in after only being gone about 2 minutes, it felt like forever. I quickly started looking my earplugs, shaking of course. I felt so mental, being like that.

As soon as the ear plugs got in my ears, it was as if someone cranked the sound, stress, and anxiety down all at once. I just breathed. It was like taking a shower. I felt like jello, all relaxed. It's so crazy. I didn't have that problem a few years ago, I always had good/sensitive ears however. I suppose I could say that they would give me small meltdowns here and there, but not to this extent. Then I headed out to get me a fudge bar, that helped too.

Now I'm fine. I'm just chilling now. My husband said he didn't want to help me the rest of the day, teary eyed. I told him no no, I'm fine now. Which, I am! A "NORMAL" person with the average "normal" ears that can hear just fine, I would say that they have their television volume cranked up to the 6 bar or more. I can only keep mine at 1, sometimes 2. Then at night or in the morning when I wake up, that's the worst. It's like I have to have everything off. I just can't cope with the smallest amount of sound on the television. I can hear the electricity in everything. Oddly, my head makes that sound once in the while and my body will jolt too.

My ears are ringing up to 6 times a day, at the most. It's mostly the right side. I figured I most likely have tinnitus and hyperacusis. I mean, it's common sense. I had my ears checked out twice by my health doctor and like three times by my ENT&S doctor. Clean as a whistle. I never had ANY ear problems growing up. That was my mother and brother's problem. They both have terrible ears and are both almost 100% def in right ear. So, here's the deal. You have a mother and brother with these problems and you have ear problems as well. You're completely opposite of them. You always stay in your room cause you don't like socialization AND your ears hurt from sounds. You also try to avoid your own family, because once you open your door, the noise is LOUD because they are almost def.

My whole life I had to cringe and bare talking to the both of them. Always yelling while they are talking. Of course, they couldn't help it, but the agony. REALLY. I'm sure because of avoiding them in general, most likely that causes my hyperacusis to get worst. And then facing them??? That's probably what made my tinnitus worst. LOL I got screwed, I guess you could say. I know some people would say, "how do you know what you're even talking about?!" Because I'm a MED FREAK, REALLY BAD!... LOL.

I just wanted a nice day. I hate wearing these earplugs. I'm thinking about seeing an audiologist sometime in the future to get me some special ones that will help me and not worsen my problems, plus be comfortable. It's like wearing gloves on your hands all day. It's absolutely irritating. But hey, if it helps me stay calm and from me being mean to people, I'd rather just deal with it, for now.